Change is...

          Change is hard. Change is difficult. Change is late nights filled with gasping breaths and strangled sobs Change is running down the road in a desperate attempt to catch the    tail lights fading into the distance. Change is sitting on the roof watching as the sun rises over the tree tops wishing over anything that you could wake up from this terrible  nightmare. Change is learning to love yourself even when all you want to do is smash the mirror every time you catch your reflection. Change is painful, but oh so necessary.

       Change is trying to differentiate the good from the bad. Change is learning how to face issues head on even when all you want to do is run away. Change is getting out of the shower before the water runs cold. Change is sleeping with only two blankets on your bed instead of a mountain. Change is jogging down a trail as twilight looms through the canopy of trees. Change is taking up the offer to go out and celebrate with your friends. Change is beautiful and exhilarating.

      Change is long phone calls at 2am because a relapse is looming around the corner. Change is burying yourself in piles of blankets in an attempt to ease the storm brewing inside your head. Change is going down to the corner store in sweatpants and a big t-shirt because you couldn't go another week without something to eat. Change is those strong arms that replace your own and help ease the panic that's taking over your entire being. Change is remembering the sound of your own laughter breaking through the cool night air. Change is knowing that it's okay to have a bad day or week, but remembering that they don't have to control you.

    Change is heartbreaking and full of almost relapses. Change is everything good and everything bad. Change is that friend you always hate to tell off, but just have to sometimes. Change is like finally be able to breathe again. Change is a part of our lives and no matter what we do, we will never escape change.