To The Girl Who Hasn't Been Herself Lately, This Is For You

 

It feels so easy to lose yourself lately, to get so caught up in the everyday routine until you look back and realize that you've lost sight of the big picture, to have completely lost touch with the girl you once were. 

I'm here to tell you its okay, to not be okay. 

I've been there and I know how wearisome it can be to feel caught up in a faked routine, to have to go through the motions of everyday feeling so forlorn and broken inside. It's gut-wrenching having to make conversation with people and uphold a fictitious smile, to try and dodge the questions about your health and inquiries about your hobbies that are laying in the back of the closet collecting dust. 

The world feels like it's closing in on you, like the entire universe is collapsing in on top of you yet you don't even have the strength to care or even pull yourself out of bed these days. 

I won't apologize because there's no need and at the end of the day it doesn't make anything better; if anything it makes you feel worse almost as if your indebted to apologize for feeling lost which you don't ever need to feel that way. 

Love, I want you to know that you'll find yourself again, that the thunder you've lost will return and the absent light will peak through the cloud filled skies once more.
I need you to know that bad days happen and sometimes they come crashing in like the waves during high tide or they all crumble creating a chain reactions like dominoes falling one into another, but dear that doesn't make you any less worthy of a good day than the next girl; if anything it makes you more worthy of a good day. 

You're not lost, just wandering through everyday looking for a purpose and that's wonderful, never let anyone make you feel small for not knowing who you are.
You're only looking for harmony, the harmony that you once shared with your soul and seemed to have misplaced somewhere along the way. Just listen for it, in the songs on the radio, in the swishing of the evening breeze, in the call of the birds early in the morning, in splashing of water in your bathtub, in the children's laughter as you pass their school yard. I promise if you just listen for it, that harmony will find you much sooner than you anticipated and it will be a joyous reunion. 

Enjoy the little things in life because at the end of the day those are the things that matter the most. It won't matter if your boss yelled at you for something entirely out of your control, it won't matter if you left your lunch on the kitchen counter in a rush to get to work that morning because at the end of the day you can look back and realize that you did it. You made it through another hard day, a day that seemed almost impossible to face that morning and you will realize that amidst the insanity of the every day mundane routine, you are beginning to find yourself again. You'll find yourself humming the melody to your favorite tune as you cook dinner. You'll find yourself laughing carelessly with friends after weeks of staying holed up in your home. You will find that you're beginning to recognize the girl in the mirror again and you'll rejoice because it's been to long. 

You will find yourself again and even though that seems like a distant thought, something unreachable in the foreseeable future you'll find that it's not so far off and you will return. Let yourself heal, take all the time you need, don't rush it because truthfully there is no need. Everyone heals in their own time and you'll come to discover that it's perfectly okay to not know what you're next step is, to set little goals for yourself and it will be beautiful, just like you darling. 

You will return, but until then know that you are loved and you are never alone.